I always had a desire to be better but I could never get there. I studied every religion and all the sciences, searching for a “fix” for my broken mind, warped thought processes, and hateful spirit. I knew God existed and even believed in Jesus, but I actively resented them.
I was suicidal my entire life and ideated on it every day. I had no self worth and filled my life with a million false identities and extremes. Thousands of skydives, mixed martial arts, drugs, alcohol, sexual immorality, the worship of money, and anything that could possibly kill me without me taking my life myself. I still marvel at the number of near death experiences I had wrecking motorcycles, rolling cars, skydiving drunk and high. But the Lord always protected me and saved me for His purposes.
In late 2016 I had a pastor friend tell me I was going to lose everything to gain everything, and sure enough in 2017 it all started to collapse – my body, my marriage, my business, and my relationship with my kids. I had lost a lot of money many times and thought I could just rebuild whatever I lost. I kept living as an enemy of God, crawling deeper and deeper into sin and depravity.
In 2018, as my marriage and life continued to decline, I decided to kill myself while my wife was on a trip and my kids were staying elsewhere. Due to the injuries I sustained from the reckless life I had led, I had a lot of drugs in my house, both illegal and prescription. I took a full bottle of oxy, a full bottle of morphine, 8 Xanax, an 8 ball of cocaine, and washed it all down with an entire bottle of vodka. I pleaded with God not to send me to Hell. I wrote “f*** off” as my suicide note and laid down to die.
Some days later my wife returned from her trip. She pulled me by the arm out of bed onto the floor and said “What have you done?” I screamed and cursed God. I told him this was my choice…my choice to die and He had taken that from me.
BREAKING THE SPIRIT OF DEATH – 2018
I went to church a few weeks later and the pastor’s wife asked Jen and I to stay after service so she could give us a word that the Lord had for us. It is important to note nobody knew I had recently tried to take my life. She took us in a backroom and told me…
“God told me to tell you the manure of your life is the fertilizer He will use to grow generations.”
She placed her hand on my forehead and said: “In Jesus name spirit of death leave Luke!”
It felt like my brain was lit up and something like electricity ran through my mind. I walked out without saying a word but in the car I told my wife I could not find suicide – I could no longer ideate on all the ways to kill myself.
Months passed and I would tell my wife it was still gone. I realized a miracle had occurred. But I still hated myself and had no self worth. It was a strange place mentally.
BREAKING THE SPIRIT OF FEAR – 10/15/2018
I was a person who pretended to be fearless. All along I was afraid of just about everything. I was in my room and laid down to sleep. My spirit separated from my body and I was floating above it. Everything was lit up in my room and the dimensions felt different. I was afraid and prayed “God if this is you keep going, if it is not then please make it stop.”
I moved up through my attic (which I had never seen until that day), and then above my roof, and then I was moving through the universe. I ended up in a place that was a planet of all atmosphere and clouds. I was flying through this place and came to a break in the clouds and saw the back of His head. I paused there and as He started to turn His face towards me. I became so afraid I started to fall. His hand caught me and He said audibly…
“Your fear is why you fall Luke.”
I was instantly no longer afraid. Then He said in my spirit that I would be with him for awhile there but I would not remember what He told me.I still could not look at Him but I remember coming alongside Him in the air.
I was then back in my body and woke my wife up to tell her what had happened. I knew something had changed but I was not sure what.s
INSTILLING THE SPIRIT OF LOVE AND WORTH – 1/7/2019
This is a defining event in my life. It was my 46th birthday. I am leaving my body again as I lay in bed. I pray the same prayer as before, but this time I know it is Him. Again I shoot through the ceiling and through the universe. This time I am standing on a planet that is bright, with small stones all around me. The landscape is fairly barren and there is no color as it is washed out by the light. I felt like I was in an overexposed photograph. I look up and I see the clouds start to part like before with the back of His head. The light is even more blinding but I see Him start to turn. That same fear hits me so I turn away and raise my hand.
The light is so powerful, it is now shining through both my hands as I hold them up. I know it is God and I don’t want Him to look at me because then He will see what I am. The light starts to touch every particle in whatever kind of body I had and I could feel it. He said out loud…
Instantly I knew that the light was love, and the love was Him. He spoke again, this time to my spirit…
“This is just a drop of my love, if I were to show you all my love it would destroy you because it reaches forever.”
In that same moment I knew He felt this way about all of us. I suddenly had worth, immense worth because the God of the Universe told me that I do.
I was back in my body again and told Jen what had happened. I was so excited to know what it felt like not to hate yourself.
However, every day was worse in our relationship. I had formed part of my identity in the idea of me and my wife as a power couple. I told her I would never forgive her for the things she had done, and that I no longer needed her because I had self worth. I took this amazing gift God had given me but was still so broken and selfish.
REPENTANCE AND RENEWAL – MARCH 2019
March 10th: Jen asks me for a divorce. I agree and feel a sort of relief. We have damaged each other so immensely, and our 17 years of marriage were coming to an end. I packed a bag and went to stay at my parents’ house.
March 13th: I am laying in bed and I have a waking vision of the first day of my honeymoon with Jen. I see some of the evil things I said to her that day, and then over the course of the entire night I relive every wrong I have done to her, and every revenge I perpetrated. By about 6 AM it was done. I laid down, and for the first time I wept for someone other than myself.
March 14th: I begin reading my Bible every night.
March 16th: I repent for an entire night, crying out to God for hours on hours. I am living at my mom’s while she is on a trip to Israel. I didn’t know that at the same time I was repenting, she and my dad (not biological but my dad) were placing prayers in the prayer wall for me; nor did I know that my pedophile grandpa had just died, breaking chains of generational trauma over our family. I also did not know that this same night my wife was repenting.
I sleep for an hour and wake up changed. I wake up alive. I feel like I am the same person, but with a new brain. I notice that people look different, and I have the ability to love them. I see people that I know in a new light. Even colors looked different! I knew I had been born again.
I tell Jen that day that no matter what happens I will be kind from this day forward, though I don’t believe our marriage will be saved as the damage was too deep on both sides.
March 17th: I am laying in bed and I hear the Lord audibly say…
“I am healing 40 years of pain in 40 days.”
Forty days from when I left home and moved into my parents’ house would be April 18th. I continue reading every day – I realize being Christlike to my wife translates to everyone.
March 22nd: I drive to my sister Carrie’s house to tell her everything that has happened to me. I share my entire testimony. We cry together. At this point she is the only one who believes that something has changed in me. Everyone else thinks it is a manipulation to get Jen back. I hear His voice while driving home…
“Healing is coming for your whole family.”
I am still broken though because I don’t think my wife and I will ever be together again, but I know I wouldn’t trade what I have now, even for her. The most important thing to me was no longer Jen, but Jesus. I even tell Jen that.
April 18th: Over the course of the next month God refines me and renews my mind and spirit. I write Jen every night asking for forgiveness for all the things God has shown to me. On April 18th, a day that Jen did not know, she asked me to come back home. The unrestorable restored by Jesus.
RESTORATION – APRIL 2019-PRESENT
Over the next year revival sweeps through our family, and healing starts to occur in everyone, from cousins to in-laws. He starts healing and I spend every day praying and reading. He isn’t even done with that promise yet either!
We have prayer and worship nights as a family and God keeps teaching me all kinds of things, like surrendering everything to Him.
The response to COVID and the closure of businesses and churches leads us to spend countless hours together as a family. We start asking “why?” as a family. Why did God rescue us so miraculously? What is His purpose for us?
Then He starts to reveal “the why” to my sister through dreams. He is using our family for the coming revival and the billion soul harvest. In further dreams, He delivered us new technologies and a way to spread the Gospel and testimonies to all nations and all peoples, a methodology that can not be censored or interrupted. This will be our life’s work – it is the reason He rescued us so profoundly and the purpose that He gave us.
There is way more to our testimony, this is highly abridged! There continue to be so many miracles I have to keep a journal. God is always and only good!